Doctor’s office

A SHORT HISTORY OF MEDICINE:

“Doctor, I have an ear ache.”
2000 BC - “Here, eat this root.”
1000 BC - “That root is heathen, say this prayer.”
1850 AD - “That prayer is superstition, drink this potion.”
1940 AD - “That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill.”
1985 AD - “That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic.”
2000 AD - “That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!”

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Star in the East? 

A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor. The doctor says,
“Okay, Mrs. Jones, what’s the problem?”
The mother says, “It’s my daughter, Debbie. She keeps getting these cravings, she’s putting on weight, and is sick most mornings.”
The doctor gives Debbie a good examination, then turns to the mother and says,
“Well, I don’t know how to tell you this, but your Debbie is pregnant - about 4 months, would be my guess.”
The mother says, “Pregnant?! She can’t be, she has never ever been left alone with a man! Have you, Debbie?”
Debbie says, “No mother! I’ve never even kissed a man!”
The doctor walked over to the window and just stares out it. About five minutes pass and finally the mother says,
“Is there something wrong out there doctor?”
The doctor replies, “No, not really, it’s just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came over the hill. I’ll be darned if I’m going to miss it this time!”.

 

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A middle-aged woman has a heart attack and is taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she has a near death experience. During that experience she sees God and asks if this is it. God says no and explains that she has another 30 years to live.

Upon her recovery she decides to just stay in the hospital and have a face lift, liposuction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, etc. She even has someone come in and change her hair color. She figures since she’s got another 30 years she might as well make the most of it.

She walks out of the hospital after the last operation and is killed by an ambulance speeding by. She arrives in front of God and complains, “I thought you said I had another 30 years.” God replies, “I didn’t recognize you”