Marriage

CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, ‘I don’t know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time. ‘The wife responded, ‘Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you !

 

 

 

 

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WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, ‘You should do it because you get up first, and then we don’t have to wait as long to get our coffee. The husband said, ‘You are in charge of cooking aroun d h ere and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.’ Wife replies, ‘No, you should do it, and beside s, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.’ Husband replies, ‘I can’t believe that, show me.’ So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showe d h im at the top of several pages, that it indeed says . ‘HEBREWS’

 

 

 

 

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God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the “masterpiece”

 

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WORDS

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day… 30,000 to a man’s 15,000. The wife replied, ‘The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men… The husband then turned to his wife and asked, ‘What?’

 

 

 

 

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WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, ‘Relatives of yours?’ ‘Yep,’ the wife replied, ‘in-laws.’

 

 

 

 

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MARRIAGE SEMINAR

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, ‘It is essential that husbands and wives know each other’s likes and dislikes.’ He addressed the man, ‘Can you name your wife’s favorite flower?’ Tom leaned over, touche d h is wife’s arm gently and whispered, ‘It’s Pillsbury, isn’t it?

 


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UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN’S PERSPECTIVE)

I know I’m not going to understand women. I’ll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.

 

 

 

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WOMEN’S REVENGE

‘Cash, check or charge?’ I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet , I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.’So, do you always carry your TV remote?’ I asked. ‘No,’ she replied, ‘but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.’

 

 

 

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WOMAN’S PERFECT BREAKFAST

She’s sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee. Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box. Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week. Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl. And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

 

 

 

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Here is the LOST CHAPTER IN GENESIS….

Adam was walking around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked him, “What is wrong with you?” Adam said he didn’t have anyone to talk to. God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman. He said,
“This person will gather food for you, cook for you, and when you discover clothing she’ll wash it for you. She will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you’ve had a disagreement. She will never have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it. Adam asked God, “What will a woman like this cost?” God replied, “An arm and a leg.” Then Adam asked, “What can I get for a rib?” The rest is history..

 

 

 

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A funeral service is being held in a church for a woman who had just passed away. At the end of the Service, the pall-bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually still alive. She lives for ten more years and then dies. A ceremony is again held at the same church and at the end of the ceremony, the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket. As they are walking, the husband cries out, “AND WATCH OUT FOR THAT WALL!”

 


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Adam & Eve had the perfect marriage.

He didn’t have to hear about all the men she could have married and she didn’t have to hear about how well his mother cooked!

 

 

 

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A young couple were on their way to get married when they were killed in a car accident. When they got to heaven they asked St. Peter if they could see God. St. Peter said ” I think I can arange that”. The next day the couple received a call to come before the throne. The Lord asked them what they wanted to see him for. They said ” We know this is heaven and we are glad to be here, but we would still like to get married”. The Lord said ” I’ll have to get back to you on that” and dismissed them from the throne room. Ten years later the Lord calls them back to his throne room and asked if they still wanted to get married. They said with great excitement ” Yes , we sure do”. The Lord said, “This preacher is going to marry you today”. They got married and left happy. A few months later they asked to see the Lord again and said ” We know this is heaven, but we can not get along and we want a divorse”. The Lord said, “Now look it took me ten years to get a preacher up here , if you think I’m going to get a lawyerup here, your crazy!”

 

 

 

 

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The Obedient Wife

There was a man who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money.

Just before he died, he said to his wife…’When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the after life with me.’

And so he got his wife to promise him, with all of her heart, that when he died, she would put all of the money into the casket with him.

Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there dressed in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, and just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, ‘Wait just a moment!’

She had a small metal box with her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down and they rolled it away. So her friend said, ‘Girl, I know you were not foolish enough to put all that money in there with your husband.’

The loyal wife replied, ‘Listen, I’m a Christian; I cannot go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money into the casket with him.’

‘You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!?’

‘I sure did,’ said the wife. ‘I got it all together, put it into my account, and wrote him a check…. If he can cash it, then he can spend it.’