The Power of a Positive Word
5 ways to encourage those around you
Kathy Widenhouse | posted 5/09/2007
It was day 30 of our 48-day U.S. Marine Band concert tour. As I dragged my suitcase and instrument through the hotel to the tour bus waiting outside, I replayed my last telephone conversation with my husband, Brett. He’d described how our son had taken his first steps yesterday with me five states away! As I stood in the pouring rain, waiting to board the bus that would take us to our next stop, I thought about the performances that remained before I’d get to be with my family again.
Then I noticed a colleague also waiting to board the bus. I smiled and said, “Good morning.”
Wet from the rain, he reached to help me with my suitcase and said simply, “Thanks for your smile.”
Surprised by his comment, I stared at him. Like me, he must have expected the usual prickly behavior from coworkers this far into a trip.
“It’s easy to get depressed when you’re away from home this long,” he said. “But your smile cheers me.”
In the midst of a grueling routine and homesickness, my spirits rose. I grinned the whole morning and was buoyed for days—all because of my colleague’s remark.
This isn’t the first time another person’s en-couraging words have affected me deeply. During college and graduate school, I studied with two private music instructors, both of international reputation. Each used words that produced an entirely different outcome in my life.
My first teacher employed put-downs to communicate. I don’t recall one positive statement he said, but I do remember these words ringing in my ears: “You’ll never get a job. You have too many technical problems to fix.” Every week, I left my lesson in despair, ready to quit.
The other instructor praised my strengths while addressing my weaknesses. In that studio, I regularly heard statements such as, “Your rhythm’s excellent in this passage. Now let’s develop your tone quality here.” Through his eyes, I saw a future for myself as a musician. My progress skyrocketed.
Years later, as I thought of ways to encourage my students, I tried to pinpoint the difference between those two professors. I found it in Ephesians 4:29: “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”
As a Christian, I want my words to have a positive impact on the people I encounter, people such as me who are trying to build meaningful lives but who often hit the roadblock of discouragement. As I reflect on the kind of words that built me up during college and beyond, I’ve decided to make them a regular part of my vocabulary. Use them to build up those around you, too.
Words that applaud.
Encouraging words remind me of applause: Both are audible and affirming. Yet the ovations I cherish most aren’t ones offered by strangers in concert halls; they’re compliments from people who know me well. Here are treasures I’ve stored over the years:
“We’re thrilled our son married you.”
“One word to describe my mommy? She’s nice!”
“Your creativity made our Bible class come alive.”
“It’s great to have you on our team.”
These words make me want to be the best wife, mom, volunteer, and employee I can be.
How powerful is a heartfelt compliment? In the book Something to Think About, author Dr. Raymond McHenry tells of a young nineteenth-century Lon-doner who battled poverty. He worked at a warehouse at age 12, hopscotched through menial jobs, and nearly gave up his dream of becoming a writer.
Then an editor published one of his stories and sent the young man a note. In it, he scribbled an apology for not being able to pay for the essay, but added something far more valuable—a message complimenting his writing and requesting more manuscripts.
Without that editor’s positive words, we might never have had the opportunity to read such masterpieces as A Christmas Carol, Oliver Twist, and A Tale of Two Cities. His praise was a turning point in the life of Charles Dickens.
Words that exhort.
The music teacher who encouraged me reminds me of an enthusiastic coach who cheers a teammate on even when the game’s not going her way. I hear similar cheers of encouragement in a colleague’s quick “Hang in there” when my schedule’s too full, or in a friend’s exhortation, “Don’t give up,” when I share my parenting woes.
My coworker Deb experienced the power of a positive word when she worried aloud about coping with an unexpected pregnancy on top of her husband’s demanding job, her erratic work schedule, and two children already at home. “An acquaintance heard me, and reminded me about some mutual friends—a couple who were raising their toddler and infant triplets successfully. ‘If they can do it,’ she told me, ’so can you.’”
That encouragement, Deb told me, was the inspiration she needed when her baby was born nine months later.
Words that support.
Many people envision a seven-week concert tour as glamorous. And part of it is. But in reality it’s also an emotional and physical endurance test. So when I prepared to leave my child to go on tour for the first time since I’d become a mom, I knew I needed support.
As I shared my request for support with my prayer partners, I choked up. As I sobbed, one friend got up, walked around the table, put her arms around me, and said, “God will get you through this.” It was just the comfort I needed to start the tour.
Words that appreciate.
Some of my favorite verbal applause comes cloaked in two words: “Thank you.” There are dozens of opportunities to express appreciation daily. When I thanked my preteen for loading the dishwasher, she gave me a high-five; the librarian beamed when
I thanked her for locating a book at another branch.
True appreciation is grateful rather than merely polite. It acknowledges value.
“I’m sneezing, coughing, and blowing my nose,” my husband told me once while I was away. “I miss you taking care of me. Thanks for all you do for me.”
Just two little words—thank you—make me feel treasured and appreciated.
Words that point to God.
These words qualify as the standing ovation of verbal applause. When I’m discouraged, they point me toward the Great Encourager.
When I was at my lowest point with the difficult teacher, I revealed my anguish to a friend. The next day she left a note in my mailbox. It read, “‘For
I know the plans I have for you’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future’” (Jeremiah 29:11). Those words became my lifeline. I clung to them while I finished my degree, entered graduate school, met the teacher who encouraged me, and became gainfully employed.
Words that point to God produce strong aftershocks even when the encourager remains anonymous. Such was the case for Soviet author Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, who was exiled to a Siberian prison camp in 1945 for making a derogatory comment about Stalin.
According to one source, so great was Solzhenitsyn’s despair that he decided to stop the work assigned to him and allow the guards to beat him to death.
As he paused, an unnamed inmate reached over and drew a cross in the dirt. Invigorated by the hope this symbol of the Christian faith imparted, Solzhenitsyn resumed digging. After his eventual release from the prison camp, Solzhenitsyn went on to survive a cancerous tumor he’d develped in prison, and to win the Nobel Prize for literature in 1970.
Encouragers typically think they’re in the business of spurring on others. Yet on day 31 of my 48-day tour, I discovered the ministry of encouragement has a surprising by-product: joy for the giver.
The next morning, I spotted my colleague lifting his suitcase into the bus. “Thanks for your kind words yesterday,” I said. “You really encouraged me.”
His face lit up, and my heart soared.
Both he and I experienced the truth found in Proverbs 15:23: “A man finds joy in giving an apt reply—and how good is a timely word!”
Kathy Widenhouse, a flutist for the U.S. Marine Band, lives with her family in Maryland.