Misc.

SOFTBALL IN HEAVEN

Two 90-year-old women, Rose and Barb, had been friends all of their lives.

When it was clear that Rose was dying, Barb visited her every day.

One day Barb said, “Rose, we both loved playing women’s softball all our
lives, and we played all through High School. Please do me one favor: when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there’s women’s soft-ball there.”

Rose looked up at Barb from her deathbed and said, “Barb, you’ve been
my best friend for many years. If it’s at all possible, I’ll do this favor for you.” Shortly after that, Rose passed on.

At midnight a few nights later, Barb was awakened from a sound sleep by
a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to her, “Barb,Barb.”

“Who is it?” asked Barb, sitting up suddenly. “Who is it?”

“Barb — it’s me, Rose.”
“You’re not Rose. Rose just died.”

“I’m telling you, it’s me, Rose,” insisted the voice.

“Rose! Where are you?”

“In Heaven,” replied Rose. “I have some really good news and a little
bad news.”

“Tell me the good news first,” said Barb.

“The good news,” Rose said, “is that there’s Softball in Heaven.
Better yet, all of our old buddies who died before us are here, too. Better
than that, we’re all young again. Better still, it’s always springtime,
and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play softball all
we want, and we never get tired.”

“That’s fantastic,” said Barb. “It’s beyond my wildest dreams! So what’s the bad news?”

“You’re pitching Tuesday.”
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One day God was looking down to earth and saw all of the evil that was going on.
He decided to send an angel down to earth to check it out so he called on a female angel and sent her to earth for a time. When she returned she told God, “yes it is bad on earth, 95% is bad and 5% is good.”
Well, He thought for a moment and said maybe I had better send down a male angel. To get both points of view. So God called a male angel and sent him to earth for a time. When the male angel returned he went to God and told him yes the earth was in decline, 95% was bad and 5% was good.
God said this was not good. He would send a letter to the 5% that were good and encourage them, something to help them keep going. Do you know what that letter said?
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Oh, you didn’t get one either?!
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Well, Girl Potato and Boy Potato had eyes for each other, and finally they got married, and had a little sweet potato, which they called ‘Yam.’

Of course, they wanted the best for Yam.

When it was time, they told her about the facts of life.

They warned her about going out and getting half-baked, so she wouldn’t get accidentally mashed, and get a bad name for herself like ‘Hot Potato,’ and end up with a bunch of Tater Tots

Yam said not to worry, no Spud would get her into the sack and make a rotten potato out of her!

But on the other hand she wouldn’t stay home and become a Couch Potato either.

She would get plenty of exercise so as not to be skinny like her Shoestring cousins.

When she went off to Europe, Mr and Mrs. Potato told Yam to watch out for the hard-boiled guys from Ireland .

And the greasy guys from France called the French Fries. And when she went out west, to watch out for the Indians so she wouldn’t get scalloped.

Yam said she would stay on the straight and narrow and wouldn’t associate with those high class Yukon Golds, or the ones from the other side of the tracks who advertise their trade on all the trucks that say, ‘Frito Lay.’

Mr. and Mrs. Potato sent Yam to Idaho P.U. (that’s Potato University) so that when she graduated she’d really be in the Chips.

But in spite of all they did for her, one-day Yam came home and announced she was going to marry Tom Brokaw.

Tom Brokaw!

Mr. and Mrs. Potato were very upset.

They told Yam she couldn’t possibly marry Tom Brokaw because he’s just……

Are you ready for this?
Are you sure?

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OK! Here it is!
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A COMMONTATER